I’m suffering again with what I refer to as ‘an episode’.  I had a medication reaction.  And I’m waiting for doctor’s appointments for the end of next week.  All is working itself out now, but I’m set back by months in my recovery.  I know that this won’t make sense to all of you, but I’m just sayin’ it’s hard right now.  And the miracle will be if I can stay out of the psych ward this coming weekend.  I call out to God, and I don’t hear much in response.  Except last night I called out, and Mike came home to watch the girls, and I survived until today.  He was there.

I don’t know what to learn or where to go from here.  Back to see my therapist and back to my knees.  When one is at the end of what can be done with medication and psychotherapy,  hope becomes distant.  I am no longer sure where God is going, or where my next step will land.  He is there.  And through your prayers and His goodness, I hope to be back next week with a story of survival.

Till then,

take care of yourselves, dear mommies,

Hi all,  Some of you are reading because I was desperate for someone to read and signed you up to receive emails (sorry ’bout that).  Yes, I did.  I’m the reason you are receiving nutty emails every day.  :)  And if any of your friends or family need something to read just send me along the email address… I’m not against spam, except in MY inbox.  That’s a problem! 

So, IF you want to actually come to my blog and leave a comment under a post/ entry - like for example, to win a care package, here’s what you do:

At the top of the email there is the Title of the Post.  Like this one - On Leaving a Comment.  If you have html email, it will be blue.  Then you can click on that title and your internet browser will open, and up will pop my blog and you will be at the post you were reading. If the title of the post is not in color, that means you are using a text-only email.  Then you will have to copy the link that you can see in the email, and paste it into your browser address bar.  Click “go”.

To leave a comment skip carefully read every word until you get to the bottom of the post.  Under my signature is an icon saying, “What do you think?” click on that.   If someone has already left a comment, it will say, “1 comment” “2 comments” etc.  Click on that sentence/ link.   It will then direct you to the comment section under that post/entry.  Fill out your name, email address and website url if you have one, and enter your comment.  You may cut and paste the following if you wish:

Dear Cathy

I absolutely live and breathe on every word you type.  You are the essence of encouragement and fine writing.  I couldn’t pay you enough to keep blogging, but I will try.  Enclosed is my donation of $____.  And I especially just want to let you know that you are the perfect mother.

All my devotion,

Adoring reader

Then click send.  Your comment will be moderated until I can approve it and then it will be published on the blog.  So, Mom, don’t gush too loudly you might embarrass me. 

There’s a meme over at Rocks in my Dryer just in time for Labor Day!  I don’t think I’ve ever done one of these before, and it’s about time - I am 2.75 years away from my last labour.  I prefer not to remember it, but I wonder what it would be like if I did?  So, for your reading pleasure… we go back to a day not so long ago…

How long were your labors?

Kid #1, 12 hrs
Kid #2, 2 hours
Kid #3, 2 months, 8 hours

My baby wanted to be babied pre-entrance.  She had our attention then.  And continues to grab it.

How did you know you were in labor?

Kid #1, Since every nerve was actively trying to find something painful, I awoke at 5 Am with the first teeeny weeeny little cramp.

Kid #2, the first cramp took us from 0 to 4 cm in 2 minutes flat.  Ow!

Kid #3, Was I NOT in labor with her?  Probably after my water broke and I got to take up residence in the labour & delivery ward …. maybe then I started think there might be an end to this pregnancy business.

Where did you deliver?

1 - Hospital where they had anesthesiologists (who had just gone off strike the day before, I think I was okay to deliver after that).

2 - I think I made it into the bed - its hard to remember.

3 - at the hospital - my second home.  In the room right next to the Christmas tree.

Drugs?

Shannon wrote, “Oh my STARS YES!”.  I kinda agree with her.

#1 - didn’t deliver until the anesthesiologist went back to work after the strike.

#2 - I believe I yelled something to the effect of, “I can’t have this baby!  I don’t have any drugs!”  The baby had a different plan.

#3 - I had a midwife who took a lot of convincing to let me have an epidural.  When she FINALLY went to call the anesthesiologist, just the dream of that angel-in-disguise relaxed me enough to pop out the baby into Daddy’s hands while midwife was still on the phone.  As I recall, I didn’t want to birth that one either.  These baby’s have always had a will of their own… darn it!

Who delivered?

As far as I’m concerned, I’m the ONLY one who deserves credit for the delivering of anything, anywhere, any time.

However there were some spectators:

#1 - the only one who really counted in my mind was the anesthesiologist.

#2 - my doula!  She was a gift from God.  She was the reason that we got to the hospital when we did or I wouldn’t have known it was time to go!  And then there were a slew of doctors that rescusitated and cared for my little one who didn’t do too well after that fast birth.  Apparently babies need a little squeezing to work out their lungs.  And *I* am a baby machine. 

#3 - my hubby - he was the catcher.  And me.  With this one I was so impatient, I reached down, grabbed its head and yanked. lol  I think that is my last one.

And the result of all this reminiscing?  I am truly D*O*N*E* having babies.  Finis!  Notta, nevah!  Uh uh. No way!  But you should do it, really you should.  It’s such a blessing. HAHA.  The birth - not so much a blessing - the babies?  yeah.  They’re worth it.

Hello ladies,

Remember a while back I had a giveaway and advertised it?  And there was a ton of traffic to my little neck of the woods?  Does Mommy Motivation undies ring a bell?  NOW you remember! 

So this giveaway is only for my faithful readers, whether this is your first time reading, or I’ve sucked you into my crazy world for days now.  Mommy or not.  Medicated or not. 

Leave a comment here to be entered into a draw for a mini-self care package.  I’ll put in a little hot beverage, something to pamper yourself with, a book, and maybe even some undies!

Remember ladies that with transitions (such as a new school year) come stress, so take extra good care of yourselves, because sometimes our little ones are feeling stressed too and require extra care. which is a problem if you just don’t have anything left to give.  So - this is such great home work - take a little extra time to pamper yourself.

And another thing - I know that we don’t always have time to read blogs every day, but if you read this by Friday you can enter! 

Hugs,

These are the things that were really on my heart last night, but this whole stuff-I-knew thing, is starting to grow into a book!  So here’s the last 5 for now. 

6.  I wish I knew early on that I had a choice.  I could be in this marriage wholly or miserably.  ‘Cause when I put my whole self into something, I know how to make it work.  Or at least make the best of it.  And when I choose to begrudgingly participate, boy, can I take down the team!  The flip side is that my expressive personality can also motivate and encourage others to good things.  But when Mommie gets grumpy - WATCH OUT!  Oh man, I’m so lucky to still be married!

7.  I wish I knew that I picked the right one.  Or God did.  I used to think my man was a punishment from God. See, in my world, even God was all about ME.  See #2.

8.  Like gold through fire, like iron on iron or metal or something like that - it refines us.  And not so that we can be better in heaven - better NOW.  I wish I had this picture of marriage when I started… maybe I would have been happier to keep working it out?  If you are in a rough spot, or if I’m reading this in a week and we’re fighting it out again, just know that the discomfort will be worth it one day.  We gain a better understanding of our partner, we gain a respect and a value for his opinions, we gain a deeper appreciation for the sacrifices that he makes to live with us.  If this isn’t enough about you, see #2.  The rewards of a well-fought-for marriage are immeasurable.  I am blessed daily by this Loving Man.  Have I told you that I get coffee in bed daily?  Yeah.  THAT blessed.

9.   warning: PG: I wish I knew that sex drives change.  We don’t have to keep the same deal (3x / month on Mondays except the last Monday of the month - then it’s sunday.  But not after 7PM) forever.  Things change.  And that’s okay.  One thing I feel passionately about(ok, one thing among many) is that the Christian wife’s JOB is not her HUSBAND, do you hear what I’m saying, girls?  There are a ton of books out there on sex, some of them sound like a lot of fun.  But I take great exception to the ones about how the wife must ‘help’ her hubby to meet this NEED - you know: how God made us all?  Air, food, water, sex.  Puh-leaze!  What if Christ was covering you as a couple and wrapping your bedroom in a safe and beautiful romantic weave.  Now, would Christ be protecting your union?  Or trying to protect YOU?  PLEASE sisters.  Please know that the God I believe in, takes you seriously.  He loves you and wants to protect you, and there is nothing in the Bible or Christian lifestyle that even suggests Christ would be okay with sexual dominance or pressure or abuse.  You and I are beautiful daughters of the King and we, heart and soul and body, deserve to be treated with kindness and love and respect.  Kinda takes a second to process doesn’t it?

10.   I wish I knew that it would get better.  Cause it does.  We are on year 13, and I do believe that this is the best yet.  The first 6 or so years, I could have lived without.  But then maybe I wouldn’t have this tremendous love for the man I’m with.  If only you knew where we’ve come from, Mommies, you’d realize how amazing it is that I write these things.  God can work miracles.  And I am a living example.  I love this man, this gift, with my whole heart and soul.

I don’t know if I wish you an easy marriage, friends, but I do wish you love and peace and joy,

Love,